Arif is Missing

Because he logs the moves of all employees, I decided to log his activities as I visited his store today. Interesting stuff. Here are my notes.

12:01, Arif clocked in. 12:03 he slurped some tea and annoyed me. 12:04 he's still annoying me. 12:06 I want to kick his throat in. 12:07 Arif had to go to the bathroom. 12:08 still in the bathroom. 12:09 Arif messed up the bathroom. 12:10 Arif was on break. 12:15 Arif smacked his lips at me and started telling me about California state law. 12:15-9:00pm Arif finished his sentence about the state law. 9:05 missing person report went out on Arif. I don't know where he is.

The annoying Security Guard

ARRRRREEEEEF is the most annoying security guard in the history of the world. His most annoying habits are:

1. --- He smacks his lips after he speaks a sentence. It's a loud annoying click of the tongue that makes me wonder if he has peanut butter wedged on the top of his palette.

--- After he finishes a sentence, that usually takes a normal person less than a minute to utter, he smacks his lips, and gives you a "Matter of fact" gaze. The gaze itself lasts longer than it took to speak the freakin' sentence, which means the whole time from sentence, to smack of lips, to "freaky stare" equals roughly 10 minutes.

--- He makes his own special Tea that smells like dirty gym socks. As he drinks his tea, he makes an obnoxious slurping noise. It makes me cringe. This goes on until the entire cup is empty. Usually about 20 minutes.

--- He complains of a medical condition in which he must have a bottle of water with him at all times. It's called, Get a fucking IV then.

--- He logs every bit of communication between myself and store personnel on a little note pad. After he types out the day to day activities he request a sit down with myself and the store manager as well as him, and wants me to fire everybody and keep him.

--- He cries when his highlighter stops working and when people blame him for pissing on the toilet seat.

--- He is 40 years old and pouts.

Dumbass Employee of the Day...

Tiffany: "Are there any other jobs that you didn't list on your employment application?"

Dumbass: "Yes. The ones I got fired from."